Monday, October 16, 2006
Where's my muse gone?
Where’s my muse gone?
Okay, on the cusp of winning probably the highest award an unpublished author can win, the RWA Golden Heart, I’ve suddenly lost my muse. Yeppers, I’ve become so frustrated that my book won’t sell--for whatever silly reason the editor of the day has manufactured—(which pretty much says EVERYTHING THAT CAN BE WRONG WITH MY BOOKS IS, despite the fact it’s won this highest award)--that I’ve completely given up. Yes, even after preaching to people, "don’t give up, follow your dream, keep writing," I’ve fallen to the dark side… and given up, been defeated by this fickle industry.
Now, what does a writer do when her muse has run off and quit? I wish I had all sorts of eloquent advice to give you here; maybe use the Nora Roberts quote, plant butt in chair and just do it, or the Nike Slogan, JUST DO IT, and all sorts of profound things to share to motivate you… but I can’t. It’s not in me. I’m broken. You’re seeing the breakdown of a frustrated writer who has no desire to write. Will I pull out of it? Oh, probably, but it is my blog day, and since I’ve lost my muse to write, I just thought I’d ramble about why I’m so frustrated, and why this post isn’t full of inspiration. ;)
Now that I've completely depressed you with my whining, go get some chocolate! I give you permission! And give me some cheese to go with this post.
Okay, on the cusp of winning probably the highest award an unpublished author can win, the RWA Golden Heart, I’ve suddenly lost my muse. Yeppers, I’ve become so frustrated that my book won’t sell--for whatever silly reason the editor of the day has manufactured—(which pretty much says EVERYTHING THAT CAN BE WRONG WITH MY BOOKS IS, despite the fact it’s won this highest award)--that I’ve completely given up. Yes, even after preaching to people, "don’t give up, follow your dream, keep writing," I’ve fallen to the dark side… and given up, been defeated by this fickle industry.
Now, what does a writer do when her muse has run off and quit? I wish I had all sorts of eloquent advice to give you here; maybe use the Nora Roberts quote, plant butt in chair and just do it, or the Nike Slogan, JUST DO IT, and all sorts of profound things to share to motivate you… but I can’t. It’s not in me. I’m broken. You’re seeing the breakdown of a frustrated writer who has no desire to write. Will I pull out of it? Oh, probably, but it is my blog day, and since I’ve lost my muse to write, I just thought I’d ramble about why I’m so frustrated, and why this post isn’t full of inspiration. ;)
Now that I've completely depressed you with my whining, go get some chocolate! I give you permission! And give me some cheese to go with this post.
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Oh, Rae, I'm so sorry. Does it help at all to hear that I'm in the same boat, albeit without even a Golden Heart for company? And I think I know what's going on.
It's the health issues. I've had a tough time with my health the past few years, and I know you have, too. It's thrown my writing self into turmoil. Even now that the immediate health crisis has passed, the writing "fire in the belly" hasn't returned -- and I'm positive it's because my belly was sliced open and the contents stirred around a bit. (Apologies for the graphic description).
I'm trying to think more gently about writing. It shouldn't be all "discipline," all "butt in chair, nose to the grindstone." I've been journaling, doodling if you will, and that seems to be all I can handle right now. Maybe you can try the same? Just write something low key, something for your own amusement, something that isn't intended for sale. You might find you enjoy the basic process of writing, when there's no need to focus on writing something that will sell.
In the meantime, chocolate sounds like a good comfort food. I think I will go out to Godiva and get one of those yumma Chocolixer shakes they have.
Hugs,
Doreen
It's the health issues. I've had a tough time with my health the past few years, and I know you have, too. It's thrown my writing self into turmoil. Even now that the immediate health crisis has passed, the writing "fire in the belly" hasn't returned -- and I'm positive it's because my belly was sliced open and the contents stirred around a bit. (Apologies for the graphic description).
I'm trying to think more gently about writing. It shouldn't be all "discipline," all "butt in chair, nose to the grindstone." I've been journaling, doodling if you will, and that seems to be all I can handle right now. Maybe you can try the same? Just write something low key, something for your own amusement, something that isn't intended for sale. You might find you enjoy the basic process of writing, when there's no need to focus on writing something that will sell.
In the meantime, chocolate sounds like a good comfort food. I think I will go out to Godiva and get one of those yumma Chocolixer shakes they have.
Hugs,
Doreen
It was SO good to see you this weekend, and you certainly weren't acting like a woman whose muse had deserted her, but all I can say is, "been there, done that, bought the farm." It was Wolf Tales IV and nothing seemed to work, but I tried the Nora Roberts style of defeating a recalcitrant muse and made myself finish a first draft. It was awful, but at least it was something to work with and I'm very proud of the finished product. One thing I've learned when I force myself to write is that, once I quit worrying about whether I'm good enough or not and just enjoy the process, it suddenly becomes so much easier. You KNOW you're good enough...you won the freakin' Golden Heart. Take Jasmine's advice and then take mine...one can eat chocolate, even with whipped cream and sprinkles, and still write.
BIG HUGS!!!
BIG HUGS!!!
I like Doreen's idea of droodling. Mine is more like dribbling, he he he. I might try that.
Thank you, Kate. It was really nice to see you, too. Yes, well I'm a master at presenting well on the outside, when everything is trembling on the inside, he he he.
But, yes, I find when I actually force myself to sit down and write, ...when I read it later on down the line...what comes out isn't as bad as I thought. Soooo, there's something to be said for Nora's, Butt in Chair advice!
Thank you, Kate. It was really nice to see you, too. Yes, well I'm a master at presenting well on the outside, when everything is trembling on the inside, he he he.
But, yes, I find when I actually force myself to sit down and write, ...when I read it later on down the line...what comes out isn't as bad as I thought. Soooo, there's something to be said for Nora's, Butt in Chair advice!
Rae--lots of stuff to say, here, much of it echoing what others have said. First off, it was fantastic to see you on saturday. And I am, frankly, surprised to read your blog today, because I never would have guessed that you feel this way. At the same time, while I am a big believer in positive energy, I also thing that just up and admiting EXACTLY how you REALLY feel, even if it's shitty and crappy and no one wants to hear it can be a very good thing. I don't know, maybe it's the whole "say it out loud, face it, and then get the fuck over it" thing. I've been there, will likely be there again, and am very happy not to be there right now.
Second, although I don't get the chocolate thing, I do get the health thing. By the end of my 2nd pregnancy, it was all I could do to read in bed, so trying to write in a sitting up position was not gonna happen. Uh uh. I think it can be hard for us type A gals to take it easy on ourselves--I know I'm always sprinting for more pages, more books, etc, and still feeling left behind in the "race" or whatever it is that day. No advice really, just commiserating.
I also think Doreen is a smart lady. Doodle, blog, whatever gets words on a page. Have you ever done the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It rocks, I promise. And at the very least, you'll feel like you're working, even if you're not.
;-) Bella
Second, although I don't get the chocolate thing, I do get the health thing. By the end of my 2nd pregnancy, it was all I could do to read in bed, so trying to write in a sitting up position was not gonna happen. Uh uh. I think it can be hard for us type A gals to take it easy on ourselves--I know I'm always sprinting for more pages, more books, etc, and still feeling left behind in the "race" or whatever it is that day. No advice really, just commiserating.
I also think Doreen is a smart lady. Doodle, blog, whatever gets words on a page. Have you ever done the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It rocks, I promise. And at the very least, you'll feel like you're working, even if you're not.
;-) Bella
Rae, it is okay to admit you are in a low spot right now. But, I believe when we are low, and can't seem to get any lower, is when the highs are over the horizon. Enjoy some chocolate, whine a little; you deserve it, and get ready for the ride to improve drastically.
Ahh, you guys are so sweet. Thanks for your kind words. I'm doodle, smoodle, and eat chocolate! Hey, I've written more today than in a long time. There's hope! Cheers. *Raising my glass*
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